Waiting for a Window to Open

While I initially hadn't held much hope for Mort's success, I experienced a glimmer of renewed hope two days ago (7dp3dt)when I felt a slight burning sensation in my uterus. I couldn't find any evidence via Google that this was a normal sign of pregnancy, but while reviewing the potential symptoms I experienced during Murtle's 2WW, I learned that I experienced a different sensation in my lower abdomen at 7dp3dt, too. I had described it as feeling as though I had worked out, yet I clearly had not. So, I thought maybe this burning / working out feeling was one of my early pregnancy symptoms and I had a renewed desire to POAS. But considering I didn't get a very faint + on an HPT until 11dp3dt, I knew the chance of me seeing a + today (9dp3dt) was slim to none...even if I really was pregnant. I went ahead and decided to torture myself anyway. I did not see a second line, but I was starting to believe so strongly that Mort was going to make it, that I ended up convincing myself that maybe, just maybe there really was a faint one trying to show through and that it was just going to show itself tomorrow.

Considering I hadn't experienced any spotting yet (I started to spot at 8dp3dt during my last unsuccessful cycle), I thought that was another good sign that this IVF had worked. Unfortunately, my eager anticipation was short-lived because when I got to work this morning, I noticed that I had spotted at some point earlier. It's now been a few hours since I spotted and things seem to be quiet again, but basing things on my past unsuccessful IVF experience, early spotting means the embryo stopped growing. I did experience some spotting when I was pregnant with Murtle, but that didn't start until after I had my second beta.

Prior to and during this cycle, I swore to myself that if this cycle doesn't work, I'm done trying to grow our biological family. I can see why younger mothers seem to have an easier time caring for a baby - not just physically, but also because they probably have a more care-free and laid-back attitude towards parenting. We've already been blessed beyond our wildest dreams with one perfect, happy baby and to think that we'd experience another miracle like this may have been asking for too much.

However, if we didn't try again, I would regret not trying more so because I want Murtle to have a sibling. Not only does she have older parents, but she also doesn't have a very large extended family, either. I am an only child and my husband only has one sibling.

Now that it seems that this cycle is over, I'm not sure what our next step will be. I thought I'd feel a sense of relief in knowing that all of the shots, bloodwork, sonograms, travel to and from DC, and stress of TTCing was over. But I just kind of feel as though I'm in limbo. I met my husband for lunch today and asked him what's next. He wants to try again! I brought up the subject of possibly using donor eggs if we did and, to my surprise, he wasn't as opposed to it as he had been prior to Murtle's arrival on the scene. We had originally talked about using my younger cousin's eggs before I got pregnant with Murtle and my husband was ONLY open to that if we had to go the donor egg route. But he's even now on the same page with me that it might be weird to use her eggs as opposed to an anonymous donor's eggs. Anyway, I really don't know what the future holds, but for now, I'm just going to sit back and see what happens. God has been very, very good to me up to this point and I'm excited to see what He has in store for our family next!