Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Just when I think that I have everything on track and planned out just right, I encountered yet another little hiccup -- but this one wasn't necessarily a bad one. I had my second opinion consult with Dr. Preston Sacks of Columbia Fertility Associates today. I had actually considered canceling since I felt that I was on track with Shady Grove. Plus, my husband, who has felt more strongly against me going to Shady Grove, was not able to accompany me to today's consultation. However, since it was the day after Labor Day, it might have been too late to cancel without incurring a cancellation fee. So, I decided to just suck it up and go -- it couldn't hurt to hear what another RE had to say, right?

The office is located in downtown Washington, DC, near the George Washington University and Hospital. It is not large nor fancy. The receptionist was pleasant and I immediately felt at ease while sitting in the waiting room. In addition to having completed an extensive amount of forms prior to my appointment, I had emailed an excel spreadsheet that contained a summary of my test results and protocols to date. Surprisingly, Dr. Sacks took the time to review my spreadsheet before I met with him and he was in the process of printing the worksheets out when I first came into this office. We introduced ourselves and then discussed my TTC journey to this point. While I obviously expected him to be very well versed on my situation in general, I must say that I was also very impressed with his knowledge of other things, primarily Fragile X ranges and implications and how having Fragile X could be related to Premature Ovarian Failure. I also liked the fact that he is not a fan of using birth control pills prior to an IVF cycle. I told him that SG puts all of their IVF patients on BCPs prior to a cycle because they help to "quiet" the ovaries and make sure that there are no cysts. Dr. Sacks told me that while that is true for about 80% of women, there is also a 20% chance that the birth control pills actually cause the cysts, which I figured was what happened to me. I explained my cyst theory to Dr. Sacks and he basically told me that I was spot on in my thinking and that he wished I could explain that theory to his patients.

Dr. Sacks then proceeded to give me what I've come to learn is the standard RE explanation of how our bodies work and what stims are supposed to do (he joked that he was fresh and ready to go since he just got back from being out of town for a few days) and then we started discussing protocols. While Dr. Sacks told me that he's not really sure if the protocol really makes that much of a difference (I inferred that he was implying, similiar to my thinking, that it's more dependent on how a woman's body chooses to respond to a particular protocol at a particular time), he is not a fan of the Microdose Lupron (MDL) Flare protocol because ovulation can not be controlled as well as it can be on a Ganirelix protocol (which was also one of my concerns since I feel that I ovulate early). He said that his practice relies primarily on the Ganirelix one (for people like me, I assume) in conjunction with estrogen priming.

Dr. Sacks told me that he would do a sonogram on me to check on the status of my cyst. If it was gone (and if I chose to switch practices), he would have me stop the birth control pills and get me started on stims right away!! We then kind of went on a tangent and started talking about my education, my job, Miami, Vegas, Japan, sushi and other random things for about 5-10 minutes and then he surprised the heck out of me by saying something like, "ok - let's go and see if we can figure out what's going on." He then led me down the hall to the sonogram room! I didn't realize that he was going to do the sonogram right then and there, but I was very pleasantly surprised that he was ready to get down the business, even though I hadn't yet decided if I was going to stick with Shady Grove or not.

There was another nurse who was in the room with us to whom he introduced me. She also seemed pleasant and friendly and he even pointed out that she pays very close attention to details, as well. He described what he saw to both her and me. Surprisingly, my cyst was gone (hooray!), but (and I should have been prepared for this), it looks like there is another possible cyst brewing now on my right side. Sigh. Dr. Sacks told me that this proves even further that these birth control pills are not for me. He said that if I decided to start to see him, he would keep me on the birth control pills for a few more days - if that large follicle on my right ovary continued to grow, he would have me stop taking the birth control pills, allow my body to ovulate, and then start the E2 priming. Once my next cycle started, I would be able to start stims right away. If a cyst was present, he would aspirate it and then we could begin. (Hopefully I understood all of that correctly).

So, what's next? Dr. Sacks told me that I could do whatever I felt most comfortable doing -- if I wanted to stick with Shady Grove and just share the knowledge I received with Dr. Mottla, that was fine with him. I told him that while I really do have a high level of respect for Shady Grove and do feel that they are very good at what they do - for the majority of women who do not need specialization - I have not felt that they have been able to give me that level of personalized treatment that my case needs. He advised me to talk things over with my husband and go from there. I told him that I would do that, but that my immediate next step would probably be based on how difficult it would be to switch my insurance coverage from one clinic to another since I have approval through the end of October for Shady Grove. He told me that he can have his people call my insurance provider to see how difficult or easy it would be to switch at this point.

I guess through the course of this post, I've made my decision. I will switch clinics now IF my insurance company makes it easy to do so. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that if I wanted to switch to Columbia Fertility Associates that I nor my husband have to go through the whole battery of testing again, nor would we have to wait another two cycles or so to get started again. It was also refreshing to not be directed to the financial counselor's office right after my consult with him.

So now, I wait until I hear from the insurance company. Don't you hate that the insurance companies seem to have all of the power?

A Lesson in Patience - The Cyst Saga Continues

Well my cyst is still there - it actually grew a bit to 35mm. So, I have to wait for my bloodwork results, but it looks like I'll either have to stay on the double dose of BCPs (which is doubtful considering the cyst didn't get any smaller) or will have to have is aspirated. After they do that, I can start stimming right away, so that's actually good news.

What I'm even more thrilled about is that Shady Grove really seems to have stepped up things in the TLC department. It seems as though they've done a complete 180 in providing personalized attention and showing genunine compassion and empathy. Maybe this change is due to the fact that (in my opinion) they weren't monitoring me closely enough along the way and feel bad about that so now they know they need to pay closer attention to me. Whatever the reason, I'm happy with the way things are going now and I will let bygones be bygones. Joyce, the morning nurse on duty, looked as though she wanted to hug me when I came in to meet with her after she found out that my cyst was still there. She told me that she and my nurse Dana had actually been talking about me yesterday and saying how I just couldn't catch a break. After I had checked-out, she actually called me over to her office again and told me that things WILL work out. So that was comforting. Whether they will or not, I appreciated her confidence in my situation.

So, it's back to the waiting game for me for now. If they do decide to aspirate the cyst, Shady Grove might be able to get me in to their Rockville office (the only office that does the aspirations) either tomorrow or Friday. Believe it or not, I'm actually feeling more hopeful about things again because there's a good chance that this cycle may not be a bust, after all.

Possible Good News, Yet Losing Some Hope

I got my TSH re-test/additional test results back last Friday. My TSH was a 1.530!!! Here are my other results:

T4: 11.4 (normal levels are 4.5 - 12.)
Antithyrodlobulin Ab was < 20 (normal levels are 0-40)
Thyroglobulin: 7.7 (normal levels are 0.5 - 55)

My question is this - if my TSH level came down that much after just being on the medication for two weeks, does that mean that I'm now in danger of having HYPERthyrodisim? LOL. If it's not one thing, it's something else. While I'm trying to stay as positive as I can about being able to start the IVF process, considering all of the obstacles I've faced so far, until that day actually comes, it will be hard to believe that I made it there.

Regarding acupuncture, as much as I have truly enjoyed my past two appointments (last Tuesday's appointment was simply heavenly), I think I'm going to postpone any more until after my IVF cycle if it results in a BFN. $95/session is too expensive for us right now and the impression I'm getting from my acupuncturist is that he can help me more if he does acu for me in conjunction w/ herbs (which I won't be able to do while stimming). So, I plan on taking a good three month break IF my IVF cycle doesn't work. During that time, I will go whole hog w/ the acu and herbs and see if I can get a natural BFP while my body is not all whacked out on meds and artificial manipulation.

As for how I'm feeling as I'm gearing up for yet another baseline appointment on Saturday, I'm starting to lose a bit of hope. I'm not really feeling confident that I actually will be able to cycle again. My cycles typically are about 23 days. These birth control pills (BCPs) have artificially put my body on a 28 day cycle and I have a feeling that my body wants to stick to the shorter cycle (I've been experiencing cramps during times that I shouldn't be experiencing them and I feel like I was having PMS symptoms last week meaning that I should get AF this week (but can't because of the BCPs); therefore, my body won't respond to the stims the way that other ladies who experience regular cycles do. Considering I have been on BCPs for two cycles, I also have a nagging feeling that I will be too repressed or I may have even developed cysts. At this point, I really have absolutely no confidence in my RE at all. Why does Shady Grove put everyone on 21 days of birth control pills prior to their assigned protocols? If my cycles are shorter than other women's cycles and my follies probably start to develop even before I get AF, wouldn't being on 21 days of BCPs confuse my body even more? I'll be especially upset if I can't proceed with this next cycle because he didn't do anything to address my high TSH level prior to when I was supposed to start last cycle. I didn't have any cysts and my other blood levels were good to go, so last cycle could have been my successful one. I really have a feeling that my RE has no clue as to what he's doing. Maybe I'm mistaken and judging unfairly, but he has given me no indication that he knows what he's doing. A phone call to alleviate any of my fears and misguided assumptions would be greatly welcomed, but we all know that won't happen since when has my Shady Grove office ever taken the iniative to show that they care or know what they're doing?